I Review Big Shampoo !!

BIG SHAMPOO

Ingredients:
Sea Salt (Sodium Chloride), Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Fresh Lemon Infusion (Citrus limonum), Toothed Wrack Seaweed Infusion (Fucus serratus), Scottish Sea Water (Aqua), Cocamide DEA, Lauryl Betaine, Fresh Lime Juice (Citrus limetta), Coconut Oil (Cocos nucifera), Neroli Oil (Citrus amara), Mandarin Oil (Citrus nobilis), Vanilla Absolute (Vanilla planifolia), Orris Absolute (Iris florentina), Perfume, Methylparaben, Propylparaben.

Once, in the brief 8 month period when I drank, someone threw a rubbish bin that was refuse for long-spent tequila slammers in my face. As I slipped in the wet grass and wiped a stinging lather out of my eyes, I thought to myself, when will this be bottled for my pleasure.

For times when I want to remember having limes thrown at me while swimming in the red sea... or dropping my fruit salad cup in the salinated wheat farms of the wheatbelt... this shampoo is for me.

The strong lather is more than is necessary in a turkish bath house. Soon my forearms are soaped up and slippery. I lick my lips nervously. When my neighbour flushes her toilet and the showerhead spastically sprays ice cold torrents fresh off the Arctic, I instinctively bite down on the towel rail and try to relax.

Is this shampoo about destroying something beautiful? Like that turd movie Ed Norton was in. Bye bye oscar nomination.

Trying to remove the pungent imagery from my mind I read the label. Lime, salt, shiny, seaweed. Hey, I think this is what I used to drink...

While I have been cursed with a hairline resembling the outgoing tide of Broome beaches, I always follow every shampoo trend. And if I can transform some of my dried seaweed tentacles into flowing live silken threads, then I am more than happy to invoke memories I, and my psychiatristm thought long suppressed. Analsty suprise. A ring of truth. But hair that shines.

Dissolve

Please submit form 566 to accompany form 392 and contract letter. Please refer to the relevant bpm entry concerning delegations. Form 566 was submitted without signatures. Please submit form 566 with appropriate signatures per bpm entry concerning delegations. Please resubmit form 392 with appropriate signautres per bpm entry concerning delegations. Please have employee sign contract letter. Please submit all forms with appropriate delegations. Please delegation all forms to form a delegation. Please form delegation to appropriate appropriate delegations. Please delegate from appropriate forms. To form from. Please please please form. Delegate from. Appropriate please please please form delegate form from please appropriate delegate. Please form to please to please to appropriate to please to form to please from please to as where appropriate to as where to please to form from appropriate delegation.

Caps Locked and Loaded

I HAVE EMAILED EVERYONE I KNOW THIS GIF AND NOW I HAVE SEEN THE GIF ALMOST A HUNDRED TIMES, I FOUND JOOP IN MY POCKET, I AM GOING TO GO DO PUSHUPS AND DRINK A LENTIL PROTEIN SHAKE AND WRITE A NOVEL. I AM SO SIKED. THE GLORY AGAIN. THE POWER AGAIN.

HOLY SHIT, WHAT BETTER GIFT CAN A MAN GIVE THAN ANOTHER MAN FRONT FLIPPING ONTO HIS FUCKING SKATEBOARD, I MEAN CHRIST, I MEAN GOD, I MEAN CHRIST, LOOK AT HIS HAIR, HIS ORANGE T SHIRT. HIS COOLJEANS. TIME TO GO INTRODUCE SOME BOLD INTO THIS PARAGRAPH. ARE THOSE VANS? YES SIR, TOLD YOU I WOULD AND I DID

2008 ENDS ON A HIGH

THIS IS THE LOGOS, THIS IS THE LIVING WORD, THIS THE ADRENAL GLAND SUCKED DRY AND CHEWED TO A LEATHERED SKIN. I LOOK AT THIS AND SEE GOD. I WANT TO GO SWIMMING RIGHT NOW, I WANT TO GO JUMP IN A SWIMMING POOL.

THIS IS THE EQUIVALENT TO SEEING YOUR FAVOURITE BAND REUNITE, DRINKING YOUR FAVOURITE ENERGY DRINK, EATING AN APPLEALL WHILE WEARING SOME COOLJEANS

WHAT IS THE SOUNDTRACK TO THIS... I FEEL LIKE OFF FRAME THE JACKSON FIVE ARE GOING CRAZY. AMAZING. HIS TSHIRT IS THE COLOUR OF SUMMER

THESE POSITIVE VIBES I AM SENDING OUT ARE ACTUALLY MAKING ME A LITTLE TIRED.

EVERYTIME I GET UPSET I LOOK AT THIS

I AM LOOKING AT THIS NOW, I AM THINKING OF SUMMER, I AM THINKING OF FRONT FLIPS, I AM THINKING OF COOLJEANS, I AM THINKING OF SUMMER... GOD, I WANT A LITRE AND A HALF OF ICECOFFEE SLOSHING AROUND IN MY BELLY, TO RUN AROUND THE PARK AND DO PUSHUPS, I AM SO FUCKING SIKED. FUCK ME. LOOK AT HIS COOL JEANS. ORANGE T SHIRT. SUMMER. ORANGE T SHIRT.

Drone Gets His Own

It's My Senior Year and All I Can Think About Is My Career

Job 1

3 month non ongoing position seeking highly experienced staff

We are seeking enthusiastic candidates who enjoy the payroll world

I can think of more enthusiastic euthanasia candidates. Although, there is little difference between the two. Both are stymied by a Brazilesque/Panopticon/Kafka nightmare in their search for Release.

Job 2

[...] encourages Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, women, people with disabilities and people form (sic) culturally diverse backgrounds [...]

You think Ctrl+V would be easier than Shift+F7 but it looks like whatever office lackey wrote up this job application omitted to do either. Evidence also that HR likes to quality assure their shit... size, weight, smell, texture, buoyancy.

Job 3

Applicants should demonstrate a commitment to the core values of the AFP.

I think this is management-ese for tasering 16 year olds... Or wearing black utility belts... or something.

All these applications are going to recieve an A4 profile shot with my Skillz - txting, downloading free porn pass .torrents, sleeping off a hangover - written across the page in silver pen. Save yourself the trouble of knocking off at 5 and knock yourself off altogether. Slavery is freedom.

Office Christmas Party I

Are you a good team player
remember the boss is your best friend
kill your head.

Bus People

"Tell kids...don't do drugs man. Don't smoke pot. Drugs. Will get you no where."

***turns away to smoke cigarette

"Won't be able to buy a house, buy shoes, buy clothes, buy camera, buy nothing, buy a bike."

***turns away to smoke cigarette

"Crime doesn't pay. Unless it's organised. DOES ANYONE WANT SOME WEED. Let's see what I've got in my bag of tricks here her her her her let's see. Tonight."

***turns away to look down the road

"Tonight I'm going to go to my friends house for a tab of speed. Methinks. Yeah. Speed. Her her her her.

[mumbles]

"Think anyone will get their nose broke in the city tonight. Get their heads kicked in. Big fights. Yeah always big fights in the city.

"Look at me in the middle of the street in the middle of the day cops ain't arresting me - you want some?"

***indicates to girl next to him. Girl has descendents and straight edge tattoos. Girl: I don't do drugs

"I ain't afraid of nobody I don't care who they are, what size they are, what club they belong to... I'll fight em. If they say shit and throw the first punch I'll fight em. I don't care. I don't give a shit. I don't care. I'll fight anyone. 12 months in jail, doesn't mean anything. 18 months. My friend did 18 months; killed a guy. 18 months for killing a guy. Didn't mean nothing. I'd fight anyone."

Bus pulls up. Man elects to stay behind. Girl stands up to walk away, man continues to talk. Girl continues to listen. Her face looks like she has smelled the bottom of her shoe after stepping in something soft.