What Do You Even Do There

Can you provide me with this information, I have been requesting this information, no one wants to give it to me, I need it, Can you.

What do you mean no. What do you mean no.

What do you mean you don't know who I am. I just told you.

Who can I talk to.

That person you put me through to put me through to you. No, that person is on leave.

What.

I said that person is on leave. Because you just put me through to their voicemail.

What.

Do you know this information.

Can't you tell me this information.

If I waited for you to send it to me I would never get it.

I having been waiting for the file for 8 months.

What do you mean it needs to be audited this information never changes.

Can I speak to your line manager.

Can I speak to your manager.

Can I speak to someone who knows what they are doing.

Okay, sorry, sor--

Can you tell me this information.

What do you mean I need to fill out a form... then what happens.

Why can't you just tell me now.

But I asked for the information 8 months ago... can't you just read it to me off the screen.

What about if you email me the information. What do you mean you can't email.

Fax? Post-- no scrap that, been waiting 8 months.

What if I need to contact you again BECAUSEINEEDTHEINFORMA-- because I need the information, that's why I would want to contact you again.

What do you mean you don't give out email addresses. What's your direct line. Okay then, what's your em--, no that's right, you don't know, okay. Phone number. Not the switchboard number your ph- Okay, what's your name. WHAT DO YOU MEAN. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T GIVE ME YOUR NAME. WHAT DO YOU EVEN DO THERE.

Paperclips

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pH Reading

Why isn't Christmas eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve eve a public holiday
Why isn't Christmas eve a public holiday

I Review Al'Chemy Intensive Moisture Shampoo !!

Made with nourishing rice amino acids, wheat protein, vitamins E & B5 with richly moisturising pure botanical cleansers. Includes panama bark combined with jasmine and certified organic lavender essences to help strengthen, soften and restore flexibility to damaged and dry hair.

Describing my hair as dull leads to all sorts of tiresome commentary on how my hair isn't dull, how my hair has an active social life thank you, a rapier wit actually, all delivered in that sly tone that the home comedienne affects to import the sense that he gets the joke for you.

This strand of thinking compares not too favourably with shirts that describe the wearer as an amateur doctor of some kind, the shirts that the wearer ironically believes will not allow him to perform any doctoring (of some kind) but still sort of wishes in the back of his head that it will strike up some sort of conversation...that will lead to the amateur hour he professes to be unskilled in.

When the wearer is wearing said shirt one does everything one can to escape - quick exit, phone a friend, swallow both barrels of a shotgun. Myself, I ensure my hair is not dull, thereby affording me the luxury of knowing I won't be accosted at parties in the corner by this type of social reject who believes they are on a mission from God, have you seen Blues Brothers, Belushi man, funny, but died fat drugged after a cheap prozzie fuck.

Al'chemy shampoo makes my hair totally not fucking dull. Restores lustre. Shiny. So I'm never going to have to chew my leg off to escape any social traps.

You thought I was going to bang on for a while about wheat protein, maybe throw in a vegan joke, yeah well. I didn't. Saving the good stuff.

Kill Your Head 1

"A Great Ox Stands On My Tongue."

Taking a Complaint Further

Where a complainant has exhausted all avenues available through Shared Services to resolve the complaint, does not accept a final resolution offered and wishes to formally pursue the matter via an external review, that person has a right, and may lodge a complaint with the Ombudsman Date Updated: 03-DEC-2008


The more I read this the more my thoughts get tangled like wet spaghetti. The paragraph looks like it was written in a toilet stall then dictated (but not read) to Opie. This was taken from the OSS webpage. This was taken from the future.

Reading this leads me to believe that the religion of OSS is Obscurant, and the principal philosophy is Regression.

Managerialism (SIC, I'm so angry writing that, fucking sic) takes the greatest language in the world, the language of Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, the Songs of Solomon, David Foster Wallace, Orwell, Bukowski and churns it into sausage meat. Spat out in tubes of cat gut. Cheap shit for us to eat.

English translated to Arabic to Bulgarian to Catalan to Croation to Danish to English:

When the source is exhausted all the possibilities available through common facilities to resolve the complaint did not make the final decision and officially propose a desire to help with this problem through external study, which has the right to lodge a complaint with the Ombudsman.

Do you think this is any harder to read. Do you think this is any harder to understand.

Suffocation Is Medication

Yesterday I had nothing to eat except an epic amount of fruit and coffee and then preserved lemon mushroom couscous for dinner. Today I had toast for breakfast and forgot to eat lunch. I had a ridiculous amount of green tea and x10100000010100 coffees. Lots of dizzy spells. This is how I answered the phone:

"Yeah."
"I was wondering if you could help me."
"I can. (sic)"
"I'm looking at the amounts quoted on the letter dated 2 July 2008 and I can't reconcile the figures against my own paperwork-"
"(tunnel vision)."
"-the discrepancy must be in your figures because my records indicate that-"
"(I move to the light)"
"-&&&&&&&&$@@@@$$$$$$$$######$$$$$$$$$$%%%%%%%%%%"
"(I move to the light)"
"CAN YOU HEAR ME"

Everything is frothing about me.... bubbling up... who knows what will rise from the bottom...

My tongue flaps about in my mouth like a fish. My breath smells fucking horrible. Constipated thought and prolapsed consciousness. I feel someone ordered a hit on my sense of humour and it's hiding in Scarborough. I'll show you. I'll show you all. But right now I just.. need.. a nap..